I find myself on the beautiful spiritual Island of _____ and at the mercy of the Sonoran Desert Toad. I am with four friends, three have decided to take on the toad and one was truly kind enough to be part of the experience as a strong support and our chief cameraman. The Shaman in this ceremony is very different, big strong lad, hands like shovels. He doesn’t quite look like the wise wizard from the Ayahuasca ceremony, I’d say more like the wrestler, than Gandalf. This later comes in handy, as I get Ko’d by the Toad.
The Shaman is on a huge and amazing quest and has single handedly cured 5000 meth addicts around the globe.
Yeah I know, exactly!
Why is that not on the news, why haven’t you read about this in the Metro?
I am in this amazing position because of one of my good friends who had experienced the toad and had shown me the video of his experience. More importantly, he is also a student of mine and I witnessed first hand the most amazing transformation in him; both physically and emotionally due to this experience.
It would have taken me months to make the changes in his thoracic Spinal alignment, but between the student the toad and the Shaman, they had made this transformation in all of 12 minutes.
We are asked who would like to go first, and it is I who steps up. I am really on a mission to let go and boy am I not disappointed. There I stand looking out at the woods with the sun beating down on me. It is a beautiful day and I am asked to look up and out at our sky towards the sun.
The Shaman begins with some bodywork and some chanting, that I still here even today. He asks me to breath deeply and already I am feeling the energy. He pulls out a pipe and heats the venom and then holds it to my lips and I inhale a huge lung full of the venom smoke, it tastes as well as you would expect toad venom to taste. He takes a pull of the pipe himself and then Bam! It is at this point things take immediate affect. I feel the Shaman run his hand over my eyes and back over my head and I say goodbye to self.
There is a brief moment when I experience a few fractals and then I am sucked into a white void. This huge pure white chasm where there is no Tony Riddle at all, he does not exist. There is no feeling of fear or doubt towards this situation. I don't have feelings other than a sense that I am that, I am. I am the one, the sky, the plants, the trees, the water, the rocks, the you, the me.
We are all one beating heart, there are no other words to explain other than there is no self. I am at one with the groaning white void of a universe. It is a strong old beast, a complete white paradise of nothingness.
I am then reborn and move from an earth experience to that of an animal. I now go through a whole evolutionary experience from what felt like an aquatic phase, to a lizard, to primate and finally to feeling a cross between a primate, a bear, and a man, really primitive man but chained.
It is these chains that I have to break free from, to break free of the chains is to let go. I had to break free of those shackles. I came round with the impression that the shaman was still in front of me and he had given me this nod of appreciation. A nod to show he understood the pain I had to go through in order to break free. I had let out a thousand years worth of pain, real pain. A release of pain that could only come from torture in what could only have been 15 minutes. I am standing fully extended back with my arms hugging the earth. I later watch a video of this part of the ceremony and I am screaming, a gargling scream. It is a real primal scream, something that I have never heard, or managed to access before.
When the Shaman is happy in the knowledge that I have come round He and I walk for a minute or two, I am then finally let free to go for a walk. I go off into the woods, barefoot in just a pair of trunks. I have this huge desire to roar, and I go with it.
The relief that this roar brings can only be compared to the feeling of needing to burp, then finally being able to produce a huge burp. The burp feels so good, that you can’t wait to do it over and over again.
There I am semi naked with my wild primitive hand wrapped around the trunk of a tree having the most profound moment of my life. Me, the tree, nature and the roar as one, not separate but one. This was total rebirth, I had died and imploded into the white chasm and then had this complete rebirth experience to remove the shackles of pain. This was really letting go, letting the pain go, the bare me free of ego. My heart is now fully opened and I feel we have created a new space, an opening of my ribcage and chest, body work that I have been working on for a long time all dealt with in a matter of minutes. This is such powerful work, so powerful that I can honestly say this process can touch anything.
I come away from the whole experience with a clear understanding of how to heal within the emotional self. Firstly we need the right community in order to align ourselves physically and spiritually for the growth of the one true self. The community within the social foundation is the community that strives towards the growth of self. It is this social wheel that ultimately shapes us.
You can be perfectly aligned and incredibly skilful with your physical needs, but if you’re not connecting on a spiritual level you are not unlocking your true warrior potential and opening the universe to growth.
The same is said for the skilful spiritual self, If their physical needs are not met they too will have an emotional response. You need the physical foundation to be strong in order to be grounded.
Ram Dass said after his stroke that he had forgotten about his physical self. It’s quite common for the real spiritual warriors to forget about their physical self.
The more we align ourselves with all our fundamental needs, the stronger and more in touch with nature we become. We start to beat as one, one self, one consciousness.
The Project is born and we will grow to be Warriors!
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